you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
