I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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