his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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