you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
