I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
