i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
