I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
