She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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