no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
