I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
