she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
