everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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