a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
