He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
