hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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