i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
