can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
