You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
