Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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