You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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