I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
