Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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