There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
