girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
