Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize