when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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