69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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