If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
