he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
