i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
