@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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