But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
