Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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