Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Someone signed my nipple.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
