yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
