dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
