I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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