worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize