i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
