My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
