I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
