I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
