you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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