You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
