hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
whose parrot is this?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I supernannyed him into submission
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
