he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
