remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
