Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
