There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
