We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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