dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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