I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
did you just send me my own nude
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
