matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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