Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
