stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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