Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
