Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize