this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
