He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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