my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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