As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
