I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
