He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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