I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize