I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
