Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
